Confidence and happiness go hand in hand. When you discover who you truly are, what you stand for and are comfortable with all of your choices you'll find you radiate confidence and will have a sense of peace about you. You can't buy confidence or happiness and no one can give it to you. Sure, you might be feeling really cool and happy cruising around in your new car, but in reality, that feeling is fleeting and you'll soon find you're looking for your next "fix". Maybe a fancy handbag or a bigger house next time will do it. Of course this doesn't mean that you shouldn't want nice things and you absolutely should mind living in a slum, but just know that those things aren't where your confidence and inner happiness come from.
Accomplishments and personal goals you reach, however small, are what build your confidence. I know when I was a young mother and I wasn't accomplishing much more than keeping my kids alive, fed and bathed, I was pretty miserable. I had lost who I was. I knew I was more than a mom, but at that point as a stay at home mom, I didn't know what that even looked like. I had no personal goals, because hey, just getting mascara on was a check on the list. I was in survival mode. Looking back, I wish I could've just been in and appreciated each moment for what it was.
You've got to challenge yourself and accomplish, challenge and accomplish or you'll be in a rut, like I was. Of course there will be times when you are just trying to get through it. And that's ok. Just don't stay there!
At this time, I was also in the thick of trying to deal with my alcoholic mom. I thought if I kept her busy everyday then she wouldn't drink and I'd help her become more happy, even as my happiness drained away with the strain of her selfish choices. I'd show up mid-morning at her house each day and we'd walk for a few miles and then run around town trying to buy some happiness at Ross and Target. I'd then pack up the kids and head home to make my husband dinner. Only to show up the next morning ready to repeat the cycle and be hit in the face with stale alcohol from her night of lone drinking.
After a few years of this a miracle happened. I realized there was absolutely nothing I could do for her; her happiness was her own business and mine was mine. I remember the exact moment in time, as I stood facing the white gate that went into my backyard, I felt this weight lift off my shoulders. It was a relief I could feel in every fiber of my being. My eye tic went away and in that moment I was taught a huge life lesson that I have shared with many. You can't fix anyone except yourself. Complete waste of your time and more importantly your energy.
Use everything you're putting into that situation and work on discovering and nurturing you. Set some goals for yourself and work on reaching them. As you discover what you are capable of that inner confidence will grow and you'll find yourself a happier person.
After all, you can't radiate fashion confidence if you don't even know who you are inside!
Here are my 5 tips on developing confidence from within:
1. Walk with purpose. Stand up straight, pick up your feet and don't meander. Wherever you're going, go with purpose.
2. Do you find yourself asking someone to make decisions for you? Do you hem and haw? Catch yourself when you do and make the decision for yourself, however hard it may be to not ask others. Chances are it will be the right choice, but even if it's not, you'll learn something and you'll be building your inner guidance. You can always ask God to help you out a bit.
3. What do YOU like, what do YOU think is cute and fashionable? Now wear it with purpose.
4. Clean up your room/house. No fashionista can live in a pit. And whatever you do, don't do selfies in the bathroom or with a pile of clothes and an unmade bed in the background. Unless you want to be known as a pig. These things matter when developing into the best version of you!
5. Get up, get dressed and find something purposeful to do each day. You may have to think, "what don't I want to do today?" and whatever comes up, set a mini goal around it and go out and accomplish it. Yes, once in awhile it's necessary to relax on the couch, read or watch movies all day, but if this is part of your weekly routine, you may want to reconsider how you're spending your time. Get outside and get some Vitamin D.
There is only one YOU for a reason. Now begin to figure out what that reason is by setting goals that you may have a faint interest in and go after it! You'll find you'll begin stepping into it and gaining confidence and you along the way.